Monthly Archives: January 2013

Letter from a REDNECK FARM KID in the Marine Corps

Here’s an amusing story from an anonymous source, probably not a Marine…
Letter from a REDNECK FARM KID in the Marine Corps
Dear Ma and Pa,
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the
Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to
join up quick before all of the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6
a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all
you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No
hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay.
Practically nothing.
Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there’s warm water. Breakfast
is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc.,
but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie
and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by
the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds
you until noon when you get fed again. It’s no wonder these city boys
can’t walk much.
We go on ‘route marches,’ which the platoon sergeant says are long
walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it’s not my place to tell him
different. A ‘route march’ is about as far as to our mailbox at home.
Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is
like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown.
They don’t bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting
medals for shooting. I don’t know why.. The bulls-eye is near as big
as a chipmunk head and don’t move, and it ain’t shooting at you like
the Higgett boys at home. Al l you got to do is lie there all
comfortable and hit it. You don’t even load your own cartridges They
come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to
wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they
break real easy. It ain’t like fighting with that ole bull at home.
I’m about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from
over in Silver Lake .. I only beat him once… He joined up the same
time as me, but I’m only 5’6′ and 130 pounds and he’s 6’8′ and near
300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers
get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter,
Alice
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Bugger The Bankers

Here’s a witty little ditty from over the sea that you might appreciate too.

Groundhog Day and the State of the Union

This year, 2013, both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union address will occur on the same day.
This is an ironic turn of events. One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to an insignificant creature of little intelligence for guidance…
The other involves a groundhog. — anonymous