An amazing performance

Just for fun, entertainment, and inspiration, watch this video. Talent +++

Letter from a REDNECK FARM KID in the Marine Corps

Here’s an amusing story from an anonymous source, probably not a Marine…

Letter from a REDNECK FARM KID in the Marine Corps

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the

Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to

join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6

a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all

you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No

hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay.

Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there’s warm water. Breakfast

is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc.,

but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie

and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by

the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds

you until noon when you get fed again. It’s no wonder these city boys

can’t walk much.

We go on ‘route marches,’ which the platoon sergeant says are long

walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it’s not my place to tell him

different. A ‘route march’ is about as far as to our mailbox at home.

Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is

like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown.

They don’t bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting

medals for shooting. I don’t know why.. The bulls-eye is near as big

as a chipmunk head and don’t move, and it ain’t shooting at you like

the Higgett boys at home. Al l you got to do is lie there all

comfortable and hit it. You don’t even load your own cartridges They

come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to

wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they

break real easy. It ain’t like fighting with that ole bull at home.

I’m about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from

over in Silver Lake .. I only beat him once… He joined up the same

time as me, but I’m only 5’6′ and 130 pounds and he’s 6’8′ and near

300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers

get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

Alice

Groundhog Day and the State of the Union

This year, 2013, both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union address will occur on the same day.

This is an ironic turn of events. One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to an insignificant creature of little intelligence for guidance…

The other involves a groundhog. — anonymous

Passwords

With apologies to blondes….

During a recent password audit by Google, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

“MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento”

When asked why she had such a long password, she rolled her eyes and said:

“Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.”

The Knack

This will be of interest, especially to engineers, family of engineers, friends of engineers…..

Today’s “Happy Pill”

Just great fun to watch!

Unemployment figures explained

Bud Abbot and Lou Costello were one of the most popular comedy teams of the 1940′s and 1950′s.

COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America.

ABBOTT: Good subject. Terrible times. It’s about 9%.

COSTELLO: That many people are out of work?

ABBOTT: No, that’s 16%.

COSTELLO: You just said 9%.

ABBOTT: 9% Unemployed.

COSTELLO: Right 9% out of work.

ABBOTT: No, that’s 16%.

COSTELLO: Okay, so it’s 16% unemployed.

ABBOTT: No, that’s 9%.

COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE. Is it 9% or 16%?

ABBOTT: 9% are unemployed. 16% are out of work.

COSTELLO: If you are out of work you are unemployed.

ABBOTT: No, you can’t count the “Out of Work” as the unemployed.  You have to look for work to be unemployed.

COSTELLO: But … they are out of work!

ABBOTT:   No, you miss my point.

COSTELLO: What point?

ABBOTT: Someone who doesn’t look for work, can’t be counted with those who look for work. It wouldn’t be fair.

COSTELLO: To who?

ABBOTT: The unemployed.

COSTELLO: But they are ALL out of work.

ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work. Those who are out of work stopped looking. They gave up. And, if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed.

COSTELLO: So if you’re off the unemployment roles, that would count as less unemployment?

ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely!

COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don’t look for work?

ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That’s how you get to 9%. Otherwise it would be 16%. You don’t want to read about 16% unemployment do ya?

COSTELLO: That would be frightening.

ABBOTT: Absolutely.

COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you. That means there are two ways to bring down the unemployment number?

ABBOTT: Two ways is correct.

COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job?

ABBOTT: Correct.

COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job?

ABBOTT: Bingo.

COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is to just stop looking for work.

ABBOTT: Now you’re thinking like a president.

A story about creativity

I don’t know where this originated, but I like it. I think you will, too.

An old Italian gentleman lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,

I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my  tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot.

I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.

Love,

Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Papa,

Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.

Love,

Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug upthe entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Papa,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love you,

Vinnie

The Bailout-A Parable

 I don’t know the origin of this parable, it came to me in an email message, but it captures the basic essence of the bailout scheme.-t.h.g.

Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a Donkey from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day.

The next day he drove up and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad News, the donkey died.’  Chuck replied, ‘Well, then just give me my money back.’   The farmer said, ‘Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.’   Chuck said, ‘Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.’  The farmer asked, ‘What ya gonna do with him? Chuck said, ‘I’m going to raffle him off.’  The farmer said You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!’  Chuck said, ‘Sure I can Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.’

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, ‘What happened with that dead donkey?’   Chuck said, ‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $998.’  The farmer said, ‘Didn’t anyone complain?’  Chuck said, ‘Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.’   Chuck now works for Goldman Sachs.

The Haircut

I don’t know who authored this. A friend sent it to me. If you like it, pass it on–t.h.g.

The Haircut

One day a florist went to a barber for a hair cut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, “I cannot accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week.” The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, “I cannot accept money from you , I’m doing community service this week.” The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, “I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.” The Congressman was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

Mark Twain said that “BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON!”